I didn't have time
by Linneagb
Summary: First Jesse left me alone with our infant Lia. Then I realized that even though I didn't have time for all of it I would do anything to give her everything. Then I ended up working with a very nice guy and we made friends. I didn't have time for a special kind of love but so I had a flat tire... and there came a tall guy with those chocolate brown eyes. AU One- shot.


**This one- shot is based on the song 'She didn't have time' by Terri Clark. I hope you like it.**

 **Oh, and English is not my first language.**

"Rachel I'm telling you…." One of my dad's began and I knew from the first word what was coming. He had already told me a million times. "… That Jesse isn't a good guy. He's not what you need. And especially not with Amelia here as well." I stopped listening to dad whom was going on and on about how the father of my baby wasn't a good guy while rocking Lia in my arms looking around.

"Dad have you seen Lia's blanket? The pink one with a stuffed bunny. I really need it or she won't calm down. So baby, so baby. Sch, sch, sch. It's okay. Sch." My baby was screaming bloody murder and showed no signs of calming down. "Sch, it's okay. I'll find you bunny soon." I was keeping my fingers crossed that I was right- if not I couldn't imagine how long Lia would be screaming like this. "Maybe it's upstairs." I hurried out of the living room and into the hallway. "Oh… Jesse."

My boyfriend and the father of my baby stood in the hallway right by the open living room door. He had his hands angrily shoved in his pockets, was leaning against the wall and had an angry and hurt expression that could only mean that he had heard every word my dad said about that Jesse wasn't right for me.

"Jesse what are you doing?" I softly, but more and more frustrated rocked Lia with one arm while Jesse hurried through the hallway and up the stairs to our bedroom where he threw his bag on our bed starting to throw in clothes and things that belonged to him while I ran around our bedroom trying to find Lia's blanket while also trying to ask Jesse to know what he was going to do.

"Where are you going?" When Jesse closed his bag, grabbed the handle and hurried through the stairs and the hallway towards the door I felt the panic creeping in. "Where are you going Jess? Jesse where are you going?" I more or less ran after him as fast as I dared holding Lia in my arm until Jesse suddenly stopped by the door and turned to me. "Jesse, don't listen to my dad. Please."

"You heard your dad. I did too. You and Lia are better off without me. I'm not what you guys need as a boyfriend or as a father." With that Jesse turned around and stepped down the porch and then threw his bag into the back seat and I barely caught a glance of Lia's blanket in it before Jesse had gotten in the front seat and the gravel flew around the tires when he hit the gas and skid out of the driveway.

"JESSE." I handed Lia to my dad, even though I couldn't even imagine how I could trust him with anything right now. "JESSE. JESSE. NO. NO DON'T LISTEN TO MY DAD. NO DON'T. JESSE DON'T LEAVE. Don't leave." My shouts became a tired and given up, hoarse whimper as I fell to my knees in the middle of the rain. "Jesse, Lia's blanket."

It didn't matter, I couldn't keep on shouting. I couldn't even keep standing on my feet as I just felt like I wanted, needed and should break down totally in the middle of this rain. But the one most important thing when you've got a baby is that you can't let it be about you when you need to care for a child. And as quickly as I could in my miserable state and walked back to the house and a screaming Amelia.

"A stranger wouldn't have left you alone just like that. Not that easily and not that callous." I closed my eyes when dad was speaking about this as if he couldn't care less, and threw the front door closed after me and took Lia from his arms. "What… Don't just grab her like that Rach. You could hurt her… Oh you're angry. Is there something you need me to do? Go off and buy a new blanket maybe?"

"Make yourself useful Hiram Berry…" I started in a low, hoarse tone. "…And get out of here. This is all yours and Leroy's fault. And because of this I wouldn't have time to see any of you even if I wanted to. Because now I'm alone with a one- month- old infant and it's all because of you. And I never want to see you EVER AGAIN." When I shouted the last few words I pushed Hiram- never again dad out of the door and closed and locked it behind him. Then I sat down on the floor and softly rocked Lia in my arms. Even though it didn't seem to help for another three hours until Lia at last fell asleep still with tears rolling down her cheeks.

When Lia had finally stopped crying it was long after midnight. But I still didn't move from that spot on the hallway floor and even though the thoughts were spinning so fast in my head I couldn't even clear one of them from the others I sat mostly still apart from my arms as I was still carefully rocking Lia and humming on a lullaby.

There were probably a bunch of things that would have been acceptable for me to do right now. Scream, kick, punch into a wall and collapsed with sobs wrenching my whole body. I could have sworn, been angry, talked one after the other voice mail into his phone and sent one angry text and email after the other.

It would have been acceptable for me to lie down both myself and Lia onto the floor and fall asleep. It would have been acceptable to go over to a friend's and knock on the door until they drowsily opened and then just say 'I'm so miserable I don't know where to turn' It would have been acceptable for me to hate my dads for being the reason that this happened.

But instead I just sat there and rocked my baby in my arms. Stared right in front of me and tried to pull a thread out of the net of thoughts in my head. Because breaking down, complaining, worrying others with my problems and all of that. It wouldn't help anyone. It wouldn't make things better or even change anything. And on top of that with my one- month- old Amelia who needed me at all hours of day and night…

… _I didn't have time_

"So. Miss Berry." The curly- haired man sitting in front of me riffled in his papers on the desk in between us. "As far as I can see, you have already got two jobs. You're also young. Something better could turn up in a week and you'd be gone forever. So why do you think I should choose you for my assistant. That is still not very well- paid and only about copying sheet music, helping with the voice training and everything which by the way I have no idea if you know anything about. But… you've got that little something. Can you give me a good reason on why I should choose you?"

I brainstormed for a split moment. I didn't in any way pulling the pity- card. But right now it was about what I could give my Lia, and that was more important to me than anything. "Mr. Schuester." I started. "Do you have kids?" Mr. Schuester shook his head and I continued. "I do, her name is Amelia St. James but she's mostly called Lia. Her dad is not around. I'd do anything to give her anything and everything she wants and needs. I'd give her the world. She's the only reason I'm keeping all of these jobs because… without them I couldn't give her anything. And she's now started asking me to get to join a ballet class for small children, and she's got me wrapped around her little finger so when she told me she didn't want her mummy as a teacher I couldn't say it was the only choice I had. So… I guess that I just want to… I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm rambling like this." Mr. Schuester frowned and riffled through the papers on his desk again.

"So, can you tell me a bit about the jobs you have now and how you like them?" Mr. Schuester sounded serious and with the way he sounded he wanted nothing else but the truth and I first didn't exactly know how to answer him until I decided to just say it all at once and telling him the truth. The whole truth.

"The first job is at a care home for elder that I have from Monday to Friday from seven A.M. to noon. That one's okay, my job since I haven't got any education is mostly to talk to the elder. And do the easiest jobs like cooking, feeding them and singing with them a bit now and then. It gives a lot to work with people in that way and I never leave one day without having gotten a smile on my face. The other one however…" I sighed. "It's an evening job at a factory. It's me working there and then a bunch of guys that are like three times my age. They never stop bugging me for being the only woman, and the only young person there." Mr. Schuester nodded slowly. "I don't like it there. If it wasn't for the money- which isn't much anyway. And that I need it for Lia I would have quit ages ago." Mr. Schuester didn't answer, but frowned and appeared to be listening closely when I continued. "And since it's an evening job I never get to meet Lia either or have time for other things I need to do."

"Do you have a baby sitter?"

"Yes, my friends Kurt and Blaine and sometimes also Mercedes takes care of her in the evenings when I'm at work. But I don't want to bother them more than I already have and… sorry I didn't mean to spill all of this on you." Mr. Schuester frowned and didn't answer me.

"How old did you say Lia was by the way? And do you have a photo of her that I can see?" I nodded and answered him almost three and pulled up a photo of my bag and handed it to him. "Oh, she's beautiful. Looks a lot like you." He handed the photo back to me and I put it back in the side of my bag and waited for him to say more. "I'm sorry that you've had to stay so long at a job that you obviously don't like… And…. Do you think it's possible I can just be alone for a moment, I'm going to go talk to the other teachers and the principal and everything and you can just wait outside or where you want and I'll get back to you within an hour?"

I nodded and thanked him, then shook his hand and sunk down into a chair in a sort of waiting room outside Mr. Schuester's office. I was so nervous I could feel my heart beating in my chest and up in my ears. I had been going to God knows how many job interviews the last couple of years. But this was the first one that I actually had felt like I could tell the truth about why I needed another job and also the only one that felt like something I would really enjoy doing.

Mr. Schuester felt to me like a good man who could see through the part with me coming to a job interview and actually saw everything of why, that this wasn't just another job. And actually saw enough to actually care about me and not only to get an assistant. Mr. Schuester passed through the waiting room several times during the hour I sat there until he at last came into the room from the hallway and sat down next to me.

"Here's the thing. I've got an offer for you and it probably involves more than I should care about but I decided to take it anyway because I chose to care about you." I nodded and it felt like ages before Mr. Schuester continued. "I'll give you this job, but it won't be with only me. You might have to do things for some of the other teachers too. No big jobs really, copying papers. Handing them out to the students. Finding a student and helping when the teacher can't come in." I nodded again. "For four hours Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. From one P.M. to five P.M. And for three hours from one P.M. to four P.M. on Wednesdays. It's not much. But it's a start. And then, you'll get to help me out in the extra music class on Thursday between four and five P.M. And also, I would like if you brought Lia with you on those classes. Then afterwards, for Thursday evenings. I will take care of Lia, take her home to mine, make her dinner, and watch a movie. That kind of stuff. And also, every Saturday or Sunday I would like to personally give her ballet lessons." At the mention of Lia's ballet lessons I could have broken down crying right there and then. I had seen Mr. Schuester had a big and golden heart from the start but like this… I could never have guessed. "And you will be paid more than what you are at this factory and a bit more. And I won't take anything for taking care of Lia or giving her ballet lessons. So leave that money for yours and hers food or piano lessons or T- ball or… Karate or whatever she wants." By now my hands were shaking and Mr. Schuester reached forward and took my smaller hand in his big. "And I've got only one condition…."

"Mr… Mr. Schuester." I stuttered. "I can't… You can't… Oh, it's way too much." Mr. Schuester smiled and shook his head.

"It is just perfectly enough. And my condition is that you quit your job at that factory. Because talking about it I can see that you hate it more than you could tell. And I wouldn't let anyone I care about stay at a place like that." By now, I was actually on my way to start crying, but before I had said anything Mr. Schuester continued. "And now… Yes?" I nodded, several times and Mr. Schuester smiled again. "Do you want to go and tell your daughter and then go to the factory and quit?" I nodded again. "Okay," He patted my shoulder. "Monday at one in my office?" I nodded again. "Then see you on Monday. Oh and Miss Berry…" I turned in the door. "If you want to wait a few weeks and know me better before you leave Lia with me it's perfectly okay with me. But of course, whenever I do you are free to do whatever you want whether it's to go dancing or maybe go see someone very special," he smirked. "See you on Monday."

"See you on Monday." I flew onto my feet, grabbed my bag and then ran out the door and through the hallway and out to my car. And that was with everything that I could have done at the moments that Mr. Schuester had told me his plans.

I could have completely broken down crying. Let Mr. Schuester comfort and let him see what he had done. Not that he had done anything bad but for him to see how thankful I was. I could have stood up and just shouted with joy and danced through the hallway. I could have told him exactly how much I hated that factory with telling him about how the men I worked with there used to touch me, and I just had to go with it or I'd lose my job. I could have told him how I laid awake at night when I knew I was going there again the next day and just couldn't breathe and felt sick.

I could have complained about the career I had dreamed about, to stand on Broadway or even just in front of some people at all and sing and dance. I could have told him how I realized I had to drop it when I became a mother but how I wouldn't change one of those things because I just loved my daughter all crazily and foolishly.

I could have told him at the last mentions that I couldn't go dancing when he had Lia. That I needed to do tidying and grocery shopping. Laundry and the dishes, everything you didn't have time for with a toddler depending on you. I could have told him everything, but with the urge to just go hug my little girl and then go straight to the factory and bring her with me and look my evil boss straight in the eyes and quit…

… _I didn't have time_

"Ugh! I don't have time! Do you hear that car? I don't have time!" Two years after I had gotten the job at William McKinley High School I was just on my way home one of those nights that Will (Short for Mr. Schuester's first name- William) and I was just going in to get some groceries and a cooked dinner at the café by the small grocery store when there came a bang from under the car in the parking lot and I was just lucky I managed to steer into one (or maybe two) empty parking spaces and get the car to a stop.

It didn't take me more than to get out of the car and glance downwards towards the ground and the front wheel by the driver's side to see the flat tire and I angrily kicked at it without saying another word and then leaned my arm lying against the window of the car and leaned my head towards my arm. Really, nothing was going good for me today.

First Lia woke up with a cold, but she didn't have a temperature so I took her with me to work anyway- and nowadays I worked full time as a music, drama and piano- teacher at McKinley and I had just planned on her staying at my office with her drawing and homework for staying from school. But she refused and then I'd have her with me to every class. Thank God high school students were mostly old enough to be old enough to be understanding when she started whining and I had almost been thinking about to not let her stay the night at Will's this time as a punishment, and half because of that cold.

Lia had been nagging me for months to get to stay until Friday the Thursday night she went to stay at Will's. So she would go to a kind of sleepover like some of the other kids at her school used to have. And at last I and Will had scheduled that from today until tomorrow. And I just didn't have the heart to punish her with not getting to go there after she had been so happy about finally going on a sleepover.

And so Lia had been talking to one of the students in the auditorium and I had been walking backwards looking at them when the floor suddenly disappeared under my feet- more likely I fell of the stage. And I had to leave Lia with Will while I went to the hospital to get an x-ray of my wrist which I had believed was broken, turned out to be just a bad sprain.

I really shouldn't have been driving after that, there were few more things that could go wrong today but with driving I would add quite a few. Especially since driving after taking all of those painkillers and with one hand in a bandage is usually considered a bad idea. But I just needed some soy milk, and some salad and some oranges… and some dinner. And everything had gone like it should have until I turned into the parking lot by the store.

And now this!

I moaned but didn't look up, not even when I heard a pair of footsteps coming closer and closer. The person they belonged to was probably just walking by anyway, but so I heard the person whoever it was stopping and felt the palm of a big hand towards my back. Then finally I looked up from my arm and right into a pair of the most beautiful, chocolate- brown eyes.

"Are you okay?" The man with the brown eyes ask me. "I can see you've got a flat tire. I've got an extra of those…" He gestured to the tire. "…I can help you fix it if you want." I hesitated, but I would have been a fool to answer him no. And don't have a chance to have him in front of me, and see those muscles that I could even see through his thin, long- sleeved T-shirt in action.

"God Rachel." I whispered to myself before I'd had the time to think about anything else. "You can't just…" I felt myself blush and hoped that the parking lot and this far away from any street lights would be dark enough for the brown- eyed guy not to see it. Even though I wouldn't have had to worry since as soon as he came back after having left to get that tire and his equipment for a moment he kneeled and put a thing I barely knew what it was for by the tire under the car and started pumping it upwards to lift the car.

The man had pulled his long sleeves as far up as he could. And with every move I could see his hard- working muscles flex, then again, and again, and again. It was probably a good thing he was so concentrated on the car and the tire because otherwise he would have noticed my dreamed away look staring at him- and I was for sure drooling on top of it all!

Gosh he was handsome.

"So, that's it." I had barely noticed he had done all the job when he spoke to me again and stood up and took the equipment. "I guess… I guess you're going to do some grocery shopping right?" I nodded. "I have already done mine and I'm in no rush so… maybe you could need some help?" He raised an eyebrow and nodded to my hand. "It's looking like you could."

I hesitated, but who could have said no to be able to walk by that tall, handsome man through a crowded store and at last nodded. "Yeah, that would be great. If you're sure it's not a bother. Oh and…. Thank you… for this and for the tire. Here let me pay you." I pulled up the first bill I found in my pocket and handed it towards the man but he pushed it back towards me.

"Don't worry about it. It's my pleasure, and luckily today I had borrowed my stepdad's car and he owns Hummel's tire and lube. So I already had all the equipment I needed and… I've got all the time in the world." He smiled again, making me feel all weak in the knees. But so I registered, Hummel's tire and lube? Wait a minute.

"Aren't you Kurt's stepbrother?" I had asked before I'd have the time to stop myself. "Hold on… I think you are. I saw you at the wedding between Mr. Hummel and…" I tried to remember her name, but it seemed like I had blacked out completely and before I'd had the time to remember it we had been walking into the warmth inside and right away a dark- haired little figure ran up to me.

"Mummy." She screeched and hugged my legs. I wasn't too sure what to say, and half expected for the man to be gone when I turned my head to show him who had just ran up to me. But he was still there and looked smiling down at Lia just as Will came running up too with a plastic bag in one hand and Lia's red hoodie with white stars in the other.

"Amelia St. James, what have I told you about just running away like that?" He panted after running after the five- year old and she let go of me with one of her arms, turned and looked at him with her best puppy- eyes. "Okay, it's okay for this time. Just, don't do it again. Oh, hey Rach." He nodded to me. "Hello, it's been a while." He shook hands and hugged the man with one arm.

"Well…" I turned to the man when he and Will had stepped away from each other. "This is my daughter. Amelia, but we mostly call her Lia." Will took Lia and lifted her onto his hip to get her higher up from the floor and look at the man who was very tall. Now seemed even taller with my- five year old right by.

"It seems like you two were having a good time." Just as I was pushing away the thought of wishing that Will and Lia would leave so I would get some more time only with this tall, handsome man. "So… We shall go. Is it okay if we eat ice cream tonight Rach? I promised Lia." I nodded, even though I usually wouldn't allow Lia such sweet things on a regular week night. "Okay… Want to tell her what more we're having Li." Lia nodded happily.

"Strawberries. Come on Will- Will. I want to have it now." Mr. Schue laughed slightly and let Lia pull him away through the store towards the parking lot while trying to pull Lia's hoodie over the T- shirt that said 'I love my mum' and I could see he couldn't help but to laugh at Lia's enthusiasm and so when they disappeared out of the automatic doors and disappeared out of our sighed.

I turned back to the man, once again almost believing that he wouldn't be there. After all, who would want to date a woman who was worn out after only five years as a single parent, probably at least thirteen years more and also getting that girl on his hands as well? I shook my head. God, I didn't even know the man's name yet and I was already starting to think like that.

"This is not about a date." I whispered under my breath to myself. "He just wants to be nice and help you. A man this handsome could never be interested in you, you idiot." While I was barely whispering to myself the man must have had very good hearing, and he heard me whispering and turned around towards me after looking to the spot where he had last seen Lia.

A smile had formed on his lips when he saw Lia, and he now looked down on me and it grew even wider. "I love kids. I was actually just asking about it. I saw the car seat and… You were pregnant when mum and Burt married right?" I nodded- that was me! Eight months pregnant and as wide as I was tall. Swollen ankles and on top of that I also had to run to the toilet around every fifth second. It felt kind of embarrassing when I had realized the groom and bride had noticed. And while the bride seemed understanding and seemed to glance at her then teenage son, the groom was a bit too amused by the pregnant girl who had to run to the bathroom all the time. Even though I had heard him make some statement about teenage pregnancies, and even though it wasn't half as bad as some of the others I'd gotten, it was not what I had needed to hear right then.

"Yes, that's her. And you might remember the boy who came to get me…" Jesse had made quite a scene about how he didn't want to be there coming to get me since I didn't drive. "…Yep…" I wondered for a second about telling him. "He was around for two more months, until Li was about a month old… Haven't seen him since then." The man's eyes went from chocolate brown to dark black. "Sorry… I didn't mean to spill that on you." The man held up a hand and I tried to suppress a yawn- my tries wasn't too successful and the man chuckled.

"I'm not boring you am I? No… well then… How about a cup of coffee before we go into the store for some energy?"

There were loads of things that were appropriate for me to do, say and feel that whole evening from the moment I and the man went into the café by the store and he bought us both coffee. I could have said I didn't drink coffee, before it had run out cold that was and he laughed and realized it by himself right before my stomach grumbled loudly and he refused to let me pay for a salad on my own.

I could have called up my dad's that I hadn't spoken to since that night when Jesse left. Thanked them for what they did and said towards him because I now felt what I guessed was a start of something I had never felt for Jesse, even though I had tried to believe I did. And I also could have told the man my name…. but we just got lost in our conversation, sitting there only talking for hours until they came and told us the café was closing now and we had to leave.

And so, in the parking lot when we were exchanging phone numbers the thought of that I still didn't know the name of the tall, brown- eyed man and he still didn't know mine and I turned from my phone and looked up at him, right into those warm chocolate- brown eyes.

"I'm Rachel by the way. Rachel Berry." He smiled warmly and pushed his phone back in his pocket and smiled.

"I'm Finn Hudson. Nice to meet you Rachel Berry."

When I sat down and started driving homewards I could feel my heart beating strong, and there were so many thoughts spinning in my head and so many feelings roaring up inside of me I didn't quite know what to feel.

I could have tried to get one thought out of the spider web in my head away from the others, could have taken one feeling from the others and try to understand why I was feeling like this. I could have been angry. Angry at Finn for letting me fall in love with him and sad that it had taken me so long to fall in love. And I could have feared, but right now everything was just pink and bright and beautiful. And I didn't fear to fall in love. Even though I maybe should have…

… _I just didn't have time._

 **Lia is portrayed by Lauren Boles**

 **So. I hope you liked that. I know I enjoyed writing it, also you should check out that song and the music video- it's beautiful. And yeah… I'd love to hear what you think about the story if you would like to tell me.**


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